


Crucify My Love

by Kagemihari (soracia)



Category: X/1999
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-10
Updated: 2005-07-10
Packaged: 2017-10-24 15:25:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soracia/pseuds/Kagemihari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what do you Wish?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crucify My Love

**Author's Note:**

> a ficlet for [](http://zerotwofan.livejournal.com/profile)[**zerotwofan**](http://zerotwofan.livejournal.com/), although I am not sure it was quite what she wanted. And yes, I know the title has been overused, but I like that song, so. Spoilers for um... most of X the series. From ep 12 on, at least. Mostly for ep 24. Sort of almost KamuixFuuma, implied pre-slash, maybe? Take it as you will.

I'm not going to let you win, I can't. This fight against the dragon of earth has already taken everything that I cared about, everything and everyone that was important to me—I refuse to let it all be wasted, all my sacrifice in vain.

Kotori said I could change our fate, this fate. That was her final wish. I can feel it in my heart whenever I think of her. I _will_ make her wish come true, because that's all I have left of her—her memory, and her Wish.

But you're too strong, and I'm falling back, losing ground. You fight without the distraction of emotional conflicts, but I – I falter every time I remember you, as you used to be. The way I wanted you to be, always. Why does it have to be this way? Why must it come down to a fight for my life against the one person I know I can't kill? How can I possibly change this fate? Kotori, help me, help me see how I can make your Wish come true.

Her Wish...my Wish, now; she left it in my care. That's what you asked me, what do you Wish? I didn't know, then, but now I understand. My Wish, my hope for the future—it is true after all, then: I am the only one who can change it. This is the only way. Better me than you, better I should suffer than one who I love better than my own life.

I know I cannot kill you, brother--brother, friend, perhaps more than that, if fate had been kinder--and I am not strong enough, not detached enough. I cannot use this sword against the one I want to protect; it isn't made for that. Even if I could win that way, it would mean that I had lost. In winning, I would only lose the last person that I care about; so I must lose, and let you kill me. That is the only way my Wish can come true. For if you kill me, with my death, my Wish will pass to you--I will entrust it to you. You will be the only one left to remember me, and Kotori. Our Wish, our memory, must live within your heart, and now I see that truly, this is the only way to save you.

I'm going to die here. One way or another, my life is at an end. I know that. It doesn't matter anymore--everything I had to live for is already gone. Kotori, Mother....you. The only thing left now is to make my death count for something. To make sure that all this suffering has had a purpose. I have to make things right when I die, or I will have failed all of you.

My Wish...I smile at you then. You look startled. You hadn't expected that. But I know, I've won now. Finally, finally, I can protect you. I can protect _everyone_. For always. You will make my Wish last forever, you, the Dragon of Earth, are going to fulfill the Wish of the Dragon of Heaven. Your life, your happiness, is the only thing I ever wanted, and now I've given it back to you, with my last Wish. Our Wish, mine and Kotori's.

You will never forget us, will you. No, you will not forget us. Now, we are your reason to live. Live for us. Live free for us. Both of us died at your hands, but we are not truly dead until you forget us. Live and love, and remember us. Now, we are all free.

I would leave you one last message if I could...perhaps you know it, already, for there is no greater love than this, to lay down your life for a friend--but if I could, I would say it too...

I will always love you.  



End file.
